After an entire long weekend of utter, chest-filling fatigue I am now wide awake and spry of thought at four o’clock in the fucking morning and goddammit I want cereal! I already know we don’t have enough of my favourite in the cupboard. Having this knowledge, is the proverbial depressing straw that broke this depressed camel’s back.
Among the other stale and yet to be thrown out boxes of all but finished cereal sits a particular one I simply cannot part with. This bag of cereal is surprisingly full and I would love a bowl, if not for it’s advanced age. We are talking years here people. I just realised this cereal is older than my cat, and still I can’t bear to part with it. Why? Because it cost $21.95!
Twenty one ninety fucking five! And that’s Australian dollars my friend, not like Nigerian dollars or something. How could I spend over $20 on a goddamn cereal? Answer: I am dumb.
Thinking about it now makes me sick to my stomach, especially since its still sitting, half finished, in the pantry. This cereal even moved house with me for god sake. Its as if by holding on to it I’ll somehow be able to recoup it’s value over time. When really all its doing is taking up valuable pantry real-estate, whilst giving the illusion we have ‘something to eat in the pantry’.
Although I haven’t tried it I am positive it would be entirely inedible. It looks OK, but I’d be upgrading my health insurance before trying (including and especially dental). Maybe if I soak it in milk overnight? Isn’t that what the Swiss do with their muesli?
Aside from; ‘don’t spend $21 on freaking cereal you bloody twat’.
I bet Martha Stewart could turn it in to cookies or papier mâché or something.