I’ve Just Been Fired

I’ve just been fired.

I feel like I should do something, anything, as if this is some big moment and here I am standing like an ass on stage who’s forgotten their lines. I’ve never been unemployed. Ever, I got my first job at 14, and now 12 years later here I am – no job.

I have no idea what I should do. None. Should I scrabble around trying to find a new job, any job, as soon as humanly possible? Or should I wait. Perhaps find something I ‘love’ that’s a ‘good fit’ even if it takes longer than is financially comfortable. Perhaps, I should become a professional student, and focus solely on my studies? I have 3 subjects remaining in my degree, maybe I should just use that time and kick their ass! Who am I kidding? Even with more time I’d still leave my assignments to the last minute and phone it in with Wikipedia.

I’m 26 years old. I don’t have a career. I don’t know if I want a career. How weird is that to read? We are so conditioned to believe that if we do well in school we will get a good job. But how true is that really?  At school when asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, no one was saying blogger, social media expert, or sustainable resource officer. These jobs didn’t exist. How can we be sure doing well in school is the key to career success anymore when the jobs of the future don’t even exist yet?

I found out my fate this morning at 8.30am. I didn’t cry, truth is, I kind of hated my job.  But hating it doesn’t seem to make processing these feelings any less confusing.

It feels as if everything I do post firing is of significance, like I am in the spotlight. It’s both freeing and immobilizing. Leaving me to simply lie here and absorb. How can I put on the TV or music when this has happened? I need to bustle into action, you know, some men are born into greatness others have greatness thrust upon them, that sort of thing. This is my moment to be great, to back myself, so I can’t very well sit up and watch Spongebob Squarepants all afternoon. I should clean the house, research unemployment benefits, something to prove I’m worth something to someone. I think I’ll have a nap.

For a job I hated I didn’t realise it was woven so deeply into the fabric of who I am. But you know that moment when it hits you that you could actually be happy if you’re very very careful, and very very lucky. That moment is golden.

 

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20 thoughts on “I’ve Just Been Fired

  1. I completely empathise… Because of a breakdown I lost my job too a month ago. It is hard, but I could never go back to such an environment. I hope that you find your calling. Life is shit. *hugs*

    • That sounds like what happened to me. I know its a good thing, its just such a shock to the system. It wasn’t the right environment for me (or work for that matter). It was a job that was naturally ‘high stress’ (emergency medical care), if you add that to my personality it was never going to be a lasting situation. Are you working at the moment? I’m thinking of taking some time before I start looking.

      • Yes, that is a very stressful environment! My sister is a doctor in A&E and it takes its’ toll. I am not working, I am doing what you are thinking about.. Taking my time to figure it all out. I just had an epic meltdown. I am still very fragile. *Sigh*

      • I hear you! I too have just gone through the same thing, and yes very fragile. My boyfriend thinks I should get unemployment and just focus on my last bit of uni while getting better. It would be very unwise to reenter full time employment, I’d probably be good for a while, then bad things would happen.

      • Exactly! The number of times I have done that… I have had more lives than a cat.I get into a self-destructive frenzy. I completely understand that feeling. I have given up for now on everything; men, work, life. I am just writing, smoking and praying for an asteroid to land on my head.

      • Sounds exactly what I am now doing, minus the smoking, more like eating cookies. The problem is that feeling that you should be working. It’s so ingrained. We are never taught to take a step back and consider the next move. I imagine millions of people are in that cycle of working till they break, then doing it all again. Some people can’t escape that cycle due to family and financial commitments, fortunately I am childless and have a partner who works, so I won’t be destitute. No high life either, but not poor house poor.

      • Well, it’s great that you have a supportive partner! I have had to fend for myself sadly. You are right though, it is ingrained in our psyches to be productive and to resign ourselves to a fate spent chasing money just to afford to eat. It is cruel and soul destroying. Yes, a lot of people get trapped… After the kids come along, they can’t come off the treadmill. It is a tragedy. Try not to beat yourself up over it though… If you need any empathy or support, I’m here!

      • Thanks so much for that, and likewise. Unemployed together! He is very supportive. He’d rather me get better than push me back to work for a bit of extra cash and to repeat the cycle. Not everyone can step away from jobs that they hate or that are bad for them. It’s definitely a privilege to be able to make this decision and not have it made for me.

      • Indeed! Unemployed together… We will be ok.. I hope! I so wish that I had someone to support me. I feel really down and alone right now. 😦

      • My heart goes out to you. I can’t begin to imagine what I’d be like on my own during this time. Having said that I totally understand that loneliness. Do you have even a close friend or family member you can talk to? Honestly – we just met, and this might seem crazy (damn song – avoided it for weeks!) – but feel free to email me or comment here. We are going through similar stuff, not just the unemployment, but the breakdown etc. I don’t want you to get left behind in the shadows of your darkest time.

  2. Shit, I’m sorry. I say give yourself a bit of a break even if it’s only a few weeks. Jobs are like relationships; even if you’ve been in one you hate, you still need some downtime before embarking on the next. I’m hoping you find something you love.

    • That’s so true. I never thought of comparing work to a relationship. I’m definitely taking some time; not only to process, but to make a really considered next step. I’m only 26, this needs to be looked as the opportunity it is, because truth be told, last year I couldn’t see a way out.

  3. I’m really sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you. Yes, even if we loathe a job, it’s part of us, it takes up so much of our time and our headspace. And it pays the bills. I hope and pray you will be okay and that you will find a new job before long. It also stings to have been fired rather than left of your own will. But you do have a chance to decide what it is you want to do now 🙂 Good luck, and if you want to write to me you have my email 🙂 xx

    • I didn’t know this at the time, but being fired was actually a better decision financially – they are required to pay me in lieu of notice. This was part if the ‘bravery Thursday’ I was talking about. I actually was shocked how much my job was part of me. You assume you have some distance when it’s not a vocation you like, but you don’t. You are there 40 hours a week, the good hours too – the awake ones. On the plus side my cats are so happy to have me home. I went to the supermarket today and the poor little guy just waited by the garage door till I came home. I baby him (literally, I carry him around like a baby!), but I don’t care. How was this weeks ballet?

      • It’s awesome that it’s turned out better for you. Maybe it was meant to be. It might have been a part of you, but it was probably stopping you from doing something you really loved and felt fulfilled in. And yes, your cats would have been so happy! Shalimar is always a bit gutted when I have to go out. Ballet was good! I’m sore again haha. I forgot some of these muscles even existed! I hope you have a good weekend, it was actually SUNNY here today 😀

      • It is for the best, I’m sad, yet so relieved. I used to work in emergency medicine, and while sometimes I was on top of my game and everything was good. Other times though, I really felt I was giving a bit of myself away each shift. Like you said, it was definitely holding me back from something better.

        I think the main reason I’m a bit sad though is that I’ll miss the people. Everyone was genuinely lovely, and management really did all they could for me. It was the work that got to me. Being in emergency there was always the potential for things to go ‘bad’, it was that tension that really ate away at me. Have you ever seen American Beauty? Kevin Spacey’s character has a bit of a breakdown and applies for a job at a fast food restaurant. When asked why, he says it’s because he wants a job with the least amount of responsibility. That’s how I feel at the moment. Although I think I’ll take it a step further and remain jobless for a while, so the only responsibility I have is for myself (and cats).

        I can only imagine how hard ballet is, but as long as your loving it. DOMS is the worst, I know that feeling of nonexistent muscles coming back to life. It hurts, but it’s a satisfying feeling. Do you have a bathtub? If you do, you should get some of that muscle soak. I don’t know if it really does anything, but it’s relaxing.

  4. I was just canned today! And I hated my job as well, but it leaves you with a feeling of panic, doesn’t it? You remind me of myself–I’m also 26, with no desire to have a “career” for the rest of my life. I want freedom, and to do something I love!

    Best of luck to both of us.

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