That’s Not How You Wash Your Face

If commercials have taught us anything, and they have, it’s that the act of washing ones face is not complete until you have hurled cupped handfuls of water at yourself. Basically, you need to splash around in your sink like a toddler during bath time in order for your super-extra-pore-refining-pimple-evicerating-age-asskicking cleanser to do its damn job and, well, clean your face.  Perhaps its not them, perhaps its me?  Maybe I am doing it wrong?  Is that why I still get zits, while simultaneously fighting the seven signs of aging?  Is that final splash somehow integral to getting all those peptides and cyanide’s to work?  Well I’m sorry Nutro-Clin-Cleara-Gena-Nique, but I am in charge of cleaning my bathroom, and I just don’t fancy mopping on a daily basis.  I also happen to be fresh out of those yellow ‘slippery when wet’ signs, and don’t particularly feel like courting a lawsuit should someone slip on my bathroom tiles if I haven’t mopped for the 600th time that year. I’ll level with you, my house is not a beacon of hygiene, you know I’ll never have the stamina to mop every damn day just so I can end my beauty routine with that all important splash.  Plus we both know it will more likely be me who slips and cracks my noggin on the side of sink.  I can’t very well sue myself – I know I’ve got nothing, so can I sue you Big Cosmetics?  Doubt it, you’d pop me like a little pimple, or perhaps you’d prefer to put some of that fancy zit cream on me that allegedly makes pimples ‘vanish’*overnight.  However unlike the pimple, I’d vanish.
Here's looking at you kid.

Here’s looking at you kid.
It smells better than it looks.
If anyone is interested is Lush’s Cupcake mask.

*Oops, did I say vanish, I meant stay the same, but don’t worry it will also look inflamed and some say angrier.

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12 thoughts on “That’s Not How You Wash Your Face

  1. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who doesn’t throw handfuls of water at themselves in order to clean their face. I often wondered about that! Also, how do the ladies on the ads manage to chuck water at their face and yet remain looking pristine and perky? If I did that I would look like a drowned rat.

    • Have you noticed when they do it they sometimes don’t even look like they got wet! Although an ad in Australia recently took this concept to a whole other level. The ad was for some men’s face products (because men’s skin is more manly they need manlier products, apparently)and instead of gently splashing water in their faces they had what looked like someone let off a fire hose in their face. It is actually both hilarious and horrifying. I remember the first time my boyfriend saw that ad, he look over at me and said, “I’m never buying that”. I’ll see if I can find it on YouTube.

  2. Commercials sold me the lie that it’s both possible and encouraged to eat a yogurt without getting any on the bottom of the spoon. Drives me mad every time…

  3. I’m doing it wrong too. I can’t get the water to splash in slow motion just like they do. Also I can’t eat burgers like they do on the ads, without a single squirt of sauce or stray salad veggie escaping. I’m hopeless at smiling and popping in chewing gum at the same time. My margerine will not spread with one swipe across my bread slice, and forget butter doing it, I’m usually hacking at the butter with a carving knife let alone it spreading in one swoop. And I never run into Curtis Stone or Margaret Fulton at my local supermarket. Really disappointed! 🙂

    • I know. I am 26 and I have just recently come to the realisation that breakouts are for life. On the one hand I can see the starts of fine lines around my eyes, and on the other I am still getting pimples. Puberty be over!

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