Today, someone told me to relax.
So I killed them.
“Relaxed enough for you!” I screamed, as I paced around their lifeless corpse, bouncing on the balls of my feet, electric with homicidal energy.
Okay, so that never happened. But I kind of wish it did. The level of rage I experience when someone says to me, ‘you just need to relax’, is just below homicidal and just above someone stealing your car-park at the mall the week before Christmas. Meaning, I am pretty damn livid.
‘Do you hate me?’ I feel like asking. Because the arrogance that connotes with telling someone to relax insists that you either, don’t know me at all, or, hate me. It can only be the latter as what chump would tell someone they don’t know to relax? No one, is the answer to that question.
Did you know it is actually impossible to chillax. It is. To relax, is by virtue, quite relaxing. However to both chill while relaxing simply can’t be done. Unless we are using the other equally important definition of chill, that is to make cold, in that case, yes, I suppose you could chillax as it were. Perhaps if you found parking your caboose in a meat locker relaxing you could have quite the chillaxing time. In which case, fill your boots, you are an outlier of society anyway.