I Literally Don’t Want To Hear Anything About It (Or Why I’m Not Accepting Comments)

The last post I made was my 40th.  It was also my second post of 2013.  The first being in January, the second being in December.  I feel as if it is rather telling that my only posts of the year have been in the months of January and December.  Despite the fact that time will roll on almost, maybe indefinitely (what?  I’m not a scientist) we all still mark January and December as beginnings and endings respectively.  Of course my personal time will come to an end at some point, but I am pretty damn certain that time itself will keep rolling on.  What I’m getting at is that is makes sense that my only blog posts of the year have been at both the beginning and end of said year.  It is the season for celebrating but also taking stock, that is bound to lead to some personal reflection even if it’s only about whether it is better to be covered by your doona or not.  I don’t know, I have just felt the urge the past few months to share.  To leave something behind, even if it is only my shitty words on a shitty blog.  While I may be disparaging, it is the best I can personally do, and if I keep doing it I am bound to get a little a better at it.  Practice makes perfect and all.  So that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Since returning to my blog I have had a bit of a fiddle with the settings to make it more a user friendly.  That is, user friendly for ME.  Given my unreliable presence at this blog I don’t exactly have a built up readership so really I am the only user at this point.  But like that crazy guy building a baseball field for ghosts, build it and they will come.  Thing is though, I can’t actually be bothered dealing with comments.  That sounds like I am the biggest asshole, but hear me out.  So far, in my thus far 40 posts I have only ever had nice and thoughtful comments.  I know, some problem right?  But that’s just it, it is a problem, how can I do justice to someone who has taken time out of their day to comment of my little tiny blog when I just can’t be bothered respond?  I realised I can’t, so it is simply better for all involved that I remove even the option for comments to save your time, should you have otherwise been inclined to leave a comment, and my time banging my brains out about how to respond.  We are all winners here.

I will eventually turn them back on, I just need time to get more into the swing of blogging again.

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My Meeting With Blogging HR

Well, let’s see what we have here.  Sorry for the mess.  Please, take a seat, let me just get those papers out of your way.  Ah, okay, so I bought you in today to discuss, err, crying in the bathroom; is it?  Well, to put it frankly, you haven’t really been performing as we expected you to Miss.  In your interview you said you were keen to write at least somewhat regularly, now we aren’t so unreasonably that we don’t understand that things crop up from time to time, but you haven’t been in touch at all.  Not once since, um, September…

August, actually.

August!  My gosh, well it’s taken a long time for you to get in here hasn’t it.  Well, let me start out by saying that the purpose of this meeting is to find out what we can do to get things rolling again.  Is there anything you need from us, any support you need, or something you feel needs to be changed…

Well, um, not really.  You guys do a great job, and I didn’t have a problem exactly, it sort of just, I don’t know, got out of hand I guess.  I didn’t know this was going to happen; it just sort of got away from me.

Riiiiight, so where do we stand?  Should we think about, perhaps, shutting…

I’ll start writing again.

Good, good.  That’s what we aim to see.  Well.  What are you waiting for, get to it…  Oh, and if you could put that to me an email, that would be super.

 

:/

© cryinginthebathroom 2012

It’s About Nothing. Or, Why Life Is Like A Bento Box

You would think it impossible to be about nothing, owing to the simple fact that even nothing – once it is written about -, is something.  Yet here it is, in all its glory before you, being read; being shaped by your own unique facets of being.  In other words, being turned into something.  You’re doing that, not me.

I’m just the train carrying the sushi.

You are the one experiencing the sushi.

Not I.

Life is like a bento box - deal with it.

Life is like a bento box – deal with it.

I act as a merely a conduit for your own mind to shift into gear.  That’s what all writing is.  Don’t misunderstand; I don’t seek to put my writing on a pedestal – or any sort of platform, shelf, or even a pile of old magazine and newspapers.  It is what it is, the stark reality of interpretation.  After all, humans have been interpreting various written works for thousands of years.  Their slant, always being the author’s one true intention.

Always…

Of course I’m being factitious.

If writing and story are like a sushi train then it only stands to reason that life is like a bento box, and not a box of chocolates as first hypothesized.  The most strident argument supporting the bento box theory is that at some point in your life, you will indeed have soup.  If you should make it to old age, the consumption of soup will exponentially increase until you eventually depart.  Upon departing, you may find yourself being returned to the earth whereby you will decay, insides liquefying – thus becoming your own version of soup.  Not quite chicken soup for the soul, more like human soup for the earth.  Don’t despair; you could end up looking like the contents of an ashtray.

Like I said, even nothing is something, and therefore nothing is sacred.

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The Anatomical Heart

On Friday the 13th I birthed a new baby blog, The Anatomical Heart.

Whether or not this proves to be a bad omen is yet to be determined.  The Anatomical Heart came to being as a place for me to publish my poetry away from my the brevity of my usual haunt, crying in the bathroom.  Often times, what I wrote about there and what I wanted to publish here just quite simply didn’t gel.  How can I write a post about sexy cat ladies or my penchant for men’s undergarments one minute, then a dark poem about depression and isolation the next.  Sandwiched together would likely solicit some armchair diagnosing calling into question the stability of my mental faculties.

I therefore have decided to divide and conquer, as it were.  I’ll still publish content in both spaces, but at least now there will be some sort of divide between the two.

The Anatomical Heart

Blog Stats: How Do I Loathe Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

I loathe the to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

Now with 100% more country stats!  Oh, can I please have more ways to confirm that no one is reading?  Please, my ego isn’t fragile enough, but I definitely need more ways to categorize the handful of people reading this drivel.  I loathe blog stats.  Despise them, yet I am addicted to refreshing that page.  I’m undoubtedly admitting a habit that many bloggers share.  I am obsessed with watching that little graph.  When I post something I become a women possessed.  I will constantly be refreshing my WordPress iPhone app to see when people read it.  If that number moves, I then immediately check my email to see if any other bloggers ‘like’ my post – or better yet, comment!

My views are never enough for me.  No matter how ‘clicks’ I get per day, which isn’t many, it is never enough.  I’m never satisfied.  I wouldn’t go as far to say it ruins my day, but since I started blogging it is constantly on my mind.  It is probably safe to assume that when you log on your computer for the first time that day you have a little routine of internet-y places you visit.  Everyone’s is slightly different, but mine used to go Facebook, Email, Get Off My Internets, then finally Daily Mail (It pains me a little to list this one, especially given my degree in journalism).  Since I started blogging however my first stop is now the WordPress stats page, which I will generally leave open in order refresh with alarming frequency.

Since I have a little time on my hands lately (READ: unemployed) I decided to sit down and try and maximize my page views.  WordPress actually have a section with tips to increase your readership.  Obviously, social networking is a big part of that, so I spent sometime creating a Facebook page and Tumblr account.  Commenting and liking other blogs is also recommended, but to be honest I barely have enough time to comment on the blogs I already follow let alone trying to add more for ‘clicks’ sake.  I also started posting to Reddit and StumbleUpon.  This gave my page views a major boost.  You’d think I’d be happy, or at least happier.  You would be wrong.

I got what I wanted but it was a hollow victory.

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