What I’m Thinking Today

Way to bury the lead, this is quite literally a list of shit I’ve thought about today.

In response to my cat crying after my boyfriend went to work: ‘I wonder if the controlled crying method works on cats?’

No cereal yummy cereal in the house means: ‘Two cheese and bacon rolls is totally fine for breakfast.’

All the clean clothes I own are on the washing line: ‘why is the backyard so far away?’

When I realise that exhaling via my nose causes a light breeze to rustle the hair on my upper lip: ‘fuck this meaty pre-corpse!’

Listening to Coolio: ‘whatever happened to Coolio? Didn’t he have a guest appearance in Fast and the Furious? I think that was Ja Rule? Whatever happened to Ja Rule? Hmmm… Well we all know what happened to Paul Walker.’

Reading about that bloke who didn’t know how to sign at Nelson Mandela’s funeral: ‘this would never have gone down at Paul Walker’s funeral, Vin Diesel would be up there cracking skulls.’

Tooling about on Wikipedia (that shit is my jam, mind you, I never donate because I’m an asshole): ‘holy shit! Shirley Temple’s still alive.’

‘Download ALL the Christmas movies!!!’

After I missed a call from a new recruitment agency: ‘if I don’t return their call, they can’t reject me. I can no longer conceive a future in which I will have a job.’

Three in the morning, unable to sleep, listing my thoughts for the previous day in the vain attempt it will appear like a sardonic a look in the mind of an affable, if, easily distracted job-hunter, when I realise that this post is as lazy as I am: ‘huh? Just realised I am too lazy to even be bothered by being lazy – does that count as a win? Eh, near enough if good enough.’


I’ve Just Been Fired

I’ve just been fired.

I feel like I should do something, anything, as if this is some big moment and here I am standing like an ass on stage who’s forgotten their lines. I’ve never been unemployed. Ever, I got my first job at 14, and now 12 years later here I am – no job.

I have no idea what I should do. None. Should I scrabble around trying to find a new job, any job, as soon as humanly possible? Or should I wait. Perhaps find something I ‘love’ that’s a ‘good fit’ even if it takes longer than is financially comfortable. Perhaps, I should become a professional student, and focus solely on my studies? I have 3 subjects remaining in my degree, maybe I should just use that time and kick their ass! Who am I kidding? Even with more time I’d still leave my assignments to the last minute and phone it in with Wikipedia.

I’m 26 years old. I don’t have a career. I don’t know if I want a career. How weird is that to read? We are so conditioned to believe that if we do well in school we will get a good job. But how true is that really?  At school when asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, no one was saying blogger, social media expert, or sustainable resource officer. These jobs didn’t exist. How can we be sure doing well in school is the key to career success anymore when the jobs of the future don’t even exist yet?

I found out my fate this morning at 8.30am. I didn’t cry, truth is, I kind of hated my job.  But hating it doesn’t seem to make processing these feelings any less confusing.

It feels as if everything I do post firing is of significance, like I am in the spotlight. It’s both freeing and immobilizing. Leaving me to simply lie here and absorb. How can I put on the TV or music when this has happened? I need to bustle into action, you know, some men are born into greatness others have greatness thrust upon them, that sort of thing. This is my moment to be great, to back myself, so I can’t very well sit up and watch Spongebob Squarepants all afternoon. I should clean the house, research unemployment benefits, something to prove I’m worth something to someone. I think I’ll have a nap.

For a job I hated I didn’t realise it was woven so deeply into the fabric of who I am. But you know that moment when it hits you that you could actually be happy if you’re very very careful, and very very lucky. That moment is golden.