What I’m Thinking Today

Way to bury the lead, this is quite literally a list of shit I’ve thought about today.

In response to my cat crying after my boyfriend went to work: ‘I wonder if the controlled crying method works on cats?’

No cereal yummy cereal in the house means: ‘Two cheese and bacon rolls is totally fine for breakfast.’

All the clean clothes I own are on the washing line: ‘why is the backyard so far away?’

When I realise that exhaling via my nose causes a light breeze to rustle the hair on my upper lip: ‘fuck this meaty pre-corpse!’

Listening to Coolio: ‘whatever happened to Coolio? Didn’t he have a guest appearance in Fast and the Furious? I think that was Ja Rule? Whatever happened to Ja Rule? Hmmm… Well we all know what happened to Paul Walker.’

Reading about that bloke who didn’t know how to sign at Nelson Mandela’s funeral: ‘this would never have gone down at Paul Walker’s funeral, Vin Diesel would be up there cracking skulls.’

Tooling about on Wikipedia (that shit is my jam, mind you, I never donate because I’m an asshole): ‘holy shit! Shirley Temple’s still alive.’

‘Download ALL the Christmas movies!!!’

After I missed a call from a new recruitment agency: ‘if I don’t return their call, they can’t reject me. I can no longer conceive a future in which I will have a job.’

Three in the morning, unable to sleep, listing my thoughts for the previous day in the vain attempt it will appear like a sardonic a look in the mind of an affable, if, easily distracted job-hunter, when I realise that this post is as lazy as I am: ‘huh? Just realised I am too lazy to even be bothered by being lazy – does that count as a win? Eh, near enough if good enough.’