If commercials have taught us anything, and they have, it’s that the act of washing ones face is not complete until you have hurled cupped handfuls of water at yourself. Basically, you need to splash around in your sink like a toddler during bath time in order for your super-extra-pore-refining-pimple-evicerating-age-asskicking cleanser to do its damn job and, well, clean your face. Perhaps its not them, perhaps its me? Maybe I am doing it wrong? Is that why I still get zits, while simultaneously fighting the seven signs of aging? Is that final splash somehow integral to getting all those peptides and cyanide’s to work? Well I’m sorry Nutro-Clin-Cleara-Gena-Nique, but I am in charge of cleaning my bathroom, and I just don’t fancy mopping on a daily basis. I also happen to be fresh out of those yellow ‘slippery when wet’ signs, and don’t particularly feel like courting a lawsuit should someone slip on my bathroom tiles if I haven’t mopped for the 600th time that year. I’ll level with you, my house is not a beacon of hygiene, you know I’ll never have the stamina to mop every damn day just so I can end my beauty routine with that all important splash. Plus we both know it will more likely be me who slips and cracks my noggin on the side of sink. I can’t very well sue myself – I know I’ve got nothing, so can I sue you Big Cosmetics? Doubt it, you’d pop me like a little pimple, or perhaps you’d prefer to put some of that fancy zit cream on me that allegedly makes pimples ‘vanish’*overnight. However unlike the pimple, I’d vanish.
*Oops, did I say vanish, I meant stay the same, but don’t worry it will also look inflamed and some say angrier.
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